Comments on: Should Trust Be Freely Offered or Conditionally Earned?

By: Linda Fisher Thornton

Linda Fisher Thornton — Wed, 21 Nov 2018 16:49:43 +0000

In reply to Blake.

Hello Blake! If you haven’t read it, I would recommend the book “Smart Trust” by Stephen M. R. Covey. It digs into the complexities of balancing extending trust with being aware and not being taken advantage of.

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By: Blake

Blake — Wed, 21 Nov 2018 10:09:03 +0000

One thing I have always noticed in articles like this, is that they never address what to do when someone violates that trust that was given.
Do you:
Continue to give trust to someone who keeps violating it?
Or
Is it then ok to withhold that trust?

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By: Linda Fisher Thornton

Linda Fisher Thornton — Thu, 18 Feb 2016 00:39:20 +0000

In reply to Brian.

Brian,

Thanks for your thoughtful reflections on the dance of trust building. It does work best when people are eager to prove themselves trustworthy and when people tend to trust others (with their eyes open, of course). Stephen M. R. Covey calls it SMART trust, when you are open to trusting others but are also aware and attentive so that you are not taken advantage of.

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By: Brian

Brian — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 19:23:40 +0000

I definitely think that a lot of times people say and do things that can be misinterpreted; trust is not an open-sesame to reality. That is, we should be willing & eager to grow in trust, and that builds long-lasting meaningful relationships. When people expected to be trusted wholly & blindly all the time, and someone has a lapse of trust but then needs it to be proven—it is not okay to say, “Well, you should have trusted.” People should be eager to prove themselves. I have plenty of sociopaths use good, trusting people. When people shut others out because they have difficulty trusting, it is like deciding that no skittish cat should be loved, or deserves a chance; I am quite fed up with all these supposed articles & spiritual philosophies telling everyone how they should be all the time. It’s a big, beautiful dance—and winning people’s hard-earned trust sometimes is what intimacy is all about; it gives us boundaries & borders to navigate our lives. Some people want to break down all of our trust barriers and be “completely trustworthy” so they can have their way with us; it doesn’t work this way. We need to have a general good faith & sense of judgment that we learn in life, which is emotional maturity, and work to continue to grow in it. That is how we develop priceless relationships THAT WE WANT, and not just something that is afforded to us by the most forceful, trustworthy individual. Life isn’t just about living it’s about loving, and we have the right to love WHAT MAKES US HAPPY, and not be made to be forced to simply endure WHAT KEEPS US ALIVE (is trustworthy).

We need to have faith, and then afford boundaries & barriers to where we see fit in order to CREATE the social arrangements & lives we want rather than being a big open door for the universe to decide for us.

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By: Should Trust Be Freely Offered or Conditionally Earned? | HENRY KOTULA

Should Trust Be Freely Offered or Conditionally Earned? | HENRY KOTULA — Thu, 27 Nov 2014 21:09:28 +0000

[…] https://leadingincontext.com/2013/01/09/should-trust-be-freely-offered-or-conditionally-earned/ […]

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By: Should Trust Be Freely Offered or Conditionally Earned? | Daily Leadership 2 | Scoop.it

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 15:47:30 +0000

[…] When we meet someone new, should we trust them right away? Should we assume that they are trustworthy and give them the benefit of the doubt, or should we hold back until we are sure that they are … […]

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By: Should Trust Be Freely Offered or Conditionally Earned? | Daily Leadership | Scoop.it

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 15:37:52 +0000

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By: Arthur Benjamin Friday

Arthur Benjamin Friday — Sun, 27 Jan 2013 16:43:46 +0000

I freely offer trust with achievable conditions for earning it, as a contract between my subordinates and I.

As a leader of personnel who secure people, property and information, I have had one successful principle I have used: whenever an employee or a new team is assigned to me; my opening statement to them is that regardless of their previous work ethic, honesty, beliefs about other ethnic groups within our work environment, or the job itself, I desire them to recognize that: “‘today is the first day of the rest of your lives and I would judge you on the performances that you put out during your time with me’. ‘You will be given unconditional trust relative to the way you show trust to your team-mates and your exercise of a new philosophy: ‘I will perform with quality and show honesty, loyalty and camaraderie in all that I do'”.

Very rarely has this ‘turning of a new page’ for personnel I have managed failed to produce trustworthy, productive, quality Officers.
Arthur B.F.

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By: Roger Lane

Roger Lane — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 00:48:01 +0000

Assuming the context is the workplace, the concept of “trust but verify” seems sensible. Trust is a key building block for many other aspects – including the willingness to delegate, but you don’t typically delegate a task unless you think the individual has the skill, ability and experience to do it properly – in essence, you trust them to do the job. But delegation is not abrogation of the responsibility; similarly, one can argue that “trust” is not static, but a dynamic, situational factor, which needs constant attention if it is to be sustained.

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By: brownbearrealestatecom

brownbearrealestatecom — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 22:30:46 +0000

Excellent topic. Thank you for the opportunity to add to the thoughtful comments. In my life experience there is real value in obtaining trust by example/action. This does not preclude the value of withholding a professional trust until it is earned, in fact a strong case exists for doing so. This does not mean we are no longer eager to share ideas, offer support or collaborate because it is the most direct manner that we all can accomplish a multitude of tasks. This position also does not mean we look for the “wrong” in people with whom we share and collaborate. In fact it means we look for reasons to trust given to us by example, communication skills (both verbal and written) and a stong past professional history. This then is not as much about “withholding” as it is about developing much needed personal skills so that when trust is bestowed it is very much earned. We need to further develop personal skills such as listening, and be aware that since trust is reciprocal it takes time to build as does any relationship of value. Only then can it be most productive for each participant.

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